I'll never forget my first good voop. I mean, all alone in a lovely, quiet, tile-filled room. Had my eGo twist in my pocket and it just occurred to me as I closed the stall door and latched it, "Holy crap. I bet I could. Wait a sec. I'm. Yeah boyeeeeee! Nobody knows. This is the greatest thing EVER!"
Well, during my last voop, I was thinking about the rules to successful vooping. And I compiled a short list. So here goes. (Of course, most of this is meant to be satirical and funny, but the first one is dead serious.)
Voop Rule #1: If there is a no-smoking policy ANYWHERE you are, please don't vape in these places. It'll get you a god-awful fine at the airport. I happen to work for a place that has no posted or even written anti-smoking policy for bathrooms. It is sort of assumed that no one will be smoking in the bathroom, but I work for a place that likely wouldn't care so much if I was caught vaping. But please don't use the discreteness of vaping to break massive rules that could get you fired and provide a reason for people to get all worked up about vaping. So that's rule number one. As far as vooping at home, well, that's just up to the rules of the house. You'll have to talk to the management about that one.
Voop Rule #2: Be careful before and after you sit. You are standing next to a large container of water with an electronic device in your hand. The same rules apply for your mod as do for your iPhone. Water and electronic gear doesn't mix well.
Voop Rule #3: With that in mind, if you drop it in, please discard of it. I mean I know that the seats in your local movie theater are statistically way nastier than a truck stop commode, but still. It's gross. You drop it in, consider it a loss. (And be thankful your mod isn't likely as expensive to replace as your iPhone. Seriously, if you're using a $600 mod, don't voop with it. It's just wrong.) SO BE CAREFUL! Very important rule.
Voop Rule #4: Do not voop when the bathroom is in use by any other person. Have some common courtesy. If you must, ask the other occupant if they mind if you voop. Who knows? You might make a friend. Friends who voop together are friends for life. Or look at each other awkwardly in the hallway and laugh for no good reason. Either way, if the rest room is a social event for you, that's okay.
Voop Rule #5: Leave the bathroom periodically. If you are a dad, you've likely always known that the bathroom is a great place to find a few minutes of quiet. And since your wife allows you to vape in the house where she never used to allow you to smoke, you likely have also discovered the magic of the voop. I mean, you get a decent car magazine, a mod with a fresh battery in it, and a quiet bathroom, and you're set for hours. Just remember to come out periodically. The time-space continuum does not stop just because you've entered the bathroom.
Voop Rule #6: Order of operations here is important. Always wash your hands. This is a duh statement. But seriously. Can't tell you how many times I've sat in the men's room at work playing a game of Words-With-Friends and noticed a dude come into the john, use it, and leave without proper sanitary habits. It's just gross people. Yuck. I typically will pocket my mod in my pants pocket before I even use the necessary paper products. This correct order of operations guarantees that I'm not touching my mod after touching something unsanitary and also simultaneously keeps me assured that my mod won't take a trip into the porcelain throne. Remember to lock your mod before you pants it too. Nobody wants their pants to be vaping without them.
Conclusions: Voop carefully. Voop courteously. But seriously, you know what's cool? As goofball as this blog post is, it's such a great reminder of just what a huge game changer that vaping is for us. Sometimes I have trouble reconciling the radical things that I had to do in my life to make smoking fit into the mix. And the mere fact that I can vape without stinking like an ashtray and being forced outside to do so....well, that's simply glorious! Here's to your next good voop.
(Oh, and I'd love to give credit to whomever developed the concept of calling this practice vooping. It's clever enough that I wish it was my original idea. But it's not. I ran across it on Instagram. So here's to you, ya clever vaper, whomever you are.)